Every time-management guru out there seems to agree that meetings are the great black-hole of life – hours go in there to never be heard from again. Unfortunately, meetings are a necessary evil but to learn how to keep them from being a time-hog, we spend countless hours in training on how to make meetings more worthwhile…oh the irony! “We waste too much time in meetings so for the next 17 weeks, every Tuesday afternoon we’ll have required training on our new meeting format tool to ensure we all know how to run and report on our meetings.”
The only thing that may rival the amount of time spent in meetings is the time spent in management seminars! I know I seem to have spent a lifetime listening to “experts” that seemed to have no knowledge of me, my people, or my issues and yet they had solutions to my problems. Being totally honest, several of these management programs were really good and I learned a lot that I still use today. And what’s funny, now that I talked so bad about management “experts”, I want to be one 😊.
I certainly have no elaborate 12-step program to follow on how to manage, but over the years I learned a few things that have worked well for me and my employees. In fact, they have been affectionately referred to as “Carter’s Laws”. Many of these developed from trouble-shooting during my years in maintenance and engineering management but I began to apply them to general management as well as to relationships. Maybe you’ll find them useful, maybe not. But at least you won’t have to sit through a seminar to hear them—unless, you’d like that, in which case, see the “Contact” page!
The first thing we need to do is to define “management”. You can “Google it” and come up with lots of definitions and I’m sure there are a lot of good definitions. When I talk of management I’m speaking of managing people. Some definitions will speak of managing projects, processes, business…but I believe the only thing we can really manage is people. And to manage them I’m talking about influencing their thoughts, decisions, activities in a manner that they take actions that will create desired results.
Let me simplify it a little more. I believe the only things we can really manage is people and really the only person we can manage is our self. It is hard to force anyone into taking a specific action. But by making appropriate decisions and actions, we influence those we interact with to decide to take actions. We have to manage our behaviors in a way that encourages the desired decisions from those we influence.
That leads me to Carter’s Law number one which is one of my favorites. The question asked is not always the one that needs to be answered. This one developed from one of those many management seminars I attended over the years. The speaker was from a well-known entertainment company – one you would certainly be familiar with. Honestly, there are many things about the company that I would not be comfortable copying, but they are tops at customer service.
One of the many divisions of this company is their theme parks that are visited by millions of people each year. They pride themselves on providing a unique experience for the park visitors. To do this, they spend large amounts resources on research and training – research to understand visitor’s needs and training for staff to respond to those needs. Interestingly, some of the staff receiving the most training are park janitors. They have found that the janitors seem to be most approachable when visitors have questions, so they are some of the most knowledgeable staff in order to answer any question.
And what is the most asked question by visitors? The seminar presenter asked the hundreds of us in attendance for what we thought was the most asked question in the park and there were some very interesting guesses – none of them correct. What is the most asked question in the park? “What time is the 3 o’clock parade?” Seriously, that’s it. Obviously, there’s not much training required to get that one correct! Or is there? Even more curious than the question was the instructed response, “Where do you plan to be to watch the parade?” Park employees were trained to answer the question with a question! You’re never supposed to do that, not in my engineering, pragmatic, black-and-white world. But that’s what park staffers did. In response, the park visitor would recite their itinerary for the day and all the stops they would be making and where in the park they would stop to watch the parade. From that and knowing the precise route and timing of the parade, the staffer could tell the visitor, “The parade will pass by that location at precisely 3:50.” You see, the question was not what time the parade would start – 3 o’clock – but what time will the parade pass by where I want to watch it.
Now that was impressive. The research and training to get to that point of customer service is, well, impressive. Cute story but so what? Works great for a park but doesn’t help me out. Which is exactly where the presenter went next. At a previous seminar, meeting in a hotel conference center, he had been challenged with exactly that point – “How does that help me, I don’t have a 3 o’clock parade.” “Maybe not, but you do have a 3 o’clock parade question,” was the presenter’s reply. And then, he adjourned the seminar to the hotel lobby for all the attendees to observe. It only took a few minutes before someone approached the front desk and asked, “Do you rent rooms?” Now I must tell you, my response would have been to look over my shoulder, spell out H-O-T-E-L, and reply, “Uh, yeah, we kinda do.” But the desk attendant responded with a question! “How many rooms do you need and for how many nights?” The question was not do you rent rooms, of course a hotel rents rooms. The question was do you have rooms available.
I wish I could tell you that I had an “Aha” moment right then and there but honestly, it took a few years. I never forgot that seminar (there was much more than just the 3 o’clock parade question) but it took some time before I realized how often in my world the question asked was not the one that needed to be answered.
“Mr. Joey, are we going to have an employee meeting this month?” Well, we’ve had an employee meeting (again with the meeting thing. But trust me, these were very efficient, well-run, necessary meetings 😊) every month for the past 10 years but you know what, this month we’ll just skip it. No, what I learned to say was, “Is there something you’d like for me to cover in the meeting this month?” They knew there was a meeting; they just had something on their mind that they wanted me to discuss but didn’t want to ask the question in the more public meeting.
“Mr. Joey, do we still have an attendance policy?” Seriously! No, we’re a manufacturing plant with machines that require someone to be here to run them but no, we’re just going to make attendance optional! Oh, the things I wanted to say. But the appropriate response was, “Have you seen someone abusing the attendance policy?” Most of the time that question came about because they thought someone was getting away with something or that they had somehow been mistreated due to a policy.
It was difficult for the staff, myself included, to learn to respond with a probing question to get at the real answer that was desired. And we probably never had it 100% correct. But, the practice did help us communicate better and provide an opportunity for associates to approach us more readily with questions and issues.
I’ve come to believe this practice applies to our personal relationships as well. In fact, it may be even more important for relationships.
The problem is that sometimes the question asked can be hurtful and we react to the question without thinking about why it was asked or what the real question is. Have you ever had someone close to you ask the equivalent of, “How could you be so stupid?” Or, “How could you be so careless?” As hard as it may be, don’t try to answer those questions. Now, I’m not advocating that these are questions that should be asked but when they are, it’s usually a sign of a person that’s been hurt. Take a deep breath, pause and try to respond with a helpful question. “I’m so sorry, how have I hurt you?” “Wow, that’s pretty strong, can we talk about what’s bothering you?”
Hey, I get it, that’s tough, but recognize there’s no good answer to the question that was asked. But maybe, by responding with a question, you can begin to get to the underlying issues. Answer the real question, not the one that was asked.
Or how about, “Honey, does this make me look fat?” Okay, let me tell you straight up, this one is a trap and you need to run! Seriously, the question is not about that specific outfit. I think that question is more about a partner wanting to feel good about themselves and feel good about how you see them. The best response may simply be, “Well, how do you feel in it?” Find out what’s really driving the question and it may simply be they need some affirmation.
To better manage people, manage yourself. Train yourself to stop and respond to a question, especially one that seems obvious, with a question. You’ll be able to understand the underlying issues and better respond.
A word of caution, answering every question with another question will flat out annoy people…don’t do it! In management and personal relationships there will come a time that you must offer an answer. Just be sure before you do that you’re answering the right question!